Happy Easter 2010

Today we celebrate Easter at our new church...we've been here for three weeks now and love being here! It's been a whirlwind of transition, but a good one nonetheless. I'm so thankful to be part of a church where the Spirit of God is free to move and people are coming to know the Lord every service. God is so good and this Easter has even more significance for my family b/c of what the Lord has brought us through this year. If Jesus had not died on the cross for our sins and rose again we would not have the victory to overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. Thank God He did and we rejoice b/c of His sacrifice so that we can have life and life more abundantly! Praise God for His victory...He IS alive and we more than conquerors in Christ Jesus because He loves us!

March 11, 2010

Last night we got tragic news that Megan's first grade teacher suddenly passed away. In just a couple of days we leave to move to Texas. My heart is grieving for this family. Mrs. Valerie Hildebrandt was a wonderful woman of God who loved children and poured her life into my daughter and hundreds of other children over the course of her teaching career. She left behind her husband Steve of 10 years, 16 yr old stepson and beautiful little 8 year old daughter Meghan.
News like this is startling. It really puts life into perspective. Makes you really realize just how short life is and how precious every moment truly is. In a few moments Sam and I are going to sit Megan down and tell her that her teacher went to be with Jesus yesterday. For that there are no words. How do you tell a 9 year old that her former teacher just died unexpectedly. She was just at school yesterday and collapsed later in the evening in her classroom when she went to prepare her lesson plan for the sub who was going to cover for her cause she wasn't feeling well...it's just so tragic. I ask that you would please join me in uplifting this family to the Lord and that He will surround them with supernatural peace to endure the unfathomable.
Tomorrow is Megan's last day of school at Cherry Hills. I'm sad that she this is how her last day has to be, but they are having a grief counseling session for the kids in their classroom and she will be able to say her goodbye's to her friends. Please pray that God would give her the comfort and grace she needs as well as this happens at a time of great transition for our family as well...

Never Forget

As we are coming to a close in this desert season of our lives my one prayer is that we will never forget. May we never forget the pain...never forget the brokeness we felt...never forget the sense of hopelessness and fear of the unknown. May we never forget that there were times when death would have seemed a better option. I pray we'd never forget how low we felt and that it seemed as if God had completely abandoned us. I pray that we'd never forget b/c this is how a great portion of our world lives. Hopeless, defeated, utterly discouraged and broken. These are the ones God has called us too. He didn't just take us through this journey without reason, but to use this experience to conform us to His image. 2 Cor 1:4 in the message version tells us..." He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.
Likewise, I pray that we will NEVER FORGET how good God is and that HE does good. May we NEVER forget His unending love for us and how His mercies are new EVERY morning. I pray that we would ever be aware of His gracious hand of mercy on us and how He tenderly cares for His own providing every step of the way. I pray we'd never forget that just b/c God is silent doesn't mean He's still. I pray we would keep in the forefront of our minds that He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. May we stand in awe of who He is and remember always that many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord will deliver him out of them ALL!!!

May we taste and see that the Lord is good
May we see the beauty of the Lord in the land of the living
May we hear His voice in the night and find hope in His promises
May we feel His presence and find that His strength IS perfect
May we sing sing sing...for joy comes in the morning!

Jesus Culture - Your Love Never Fails

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoezWBPGRAc

Props to Sam

Last Thursday I had the wonderful opportunity of getting my wisdom teeth out...unfortunately the healing is taking a little longer than is expected...however I have to give Sam major kuddos b/c he's the man! He has helped me so much when I have felt so horrible...he's taken the kids to school and back (mind you it's a 15 min drive each way and he does that 3x's a day) plus he's been so helpful to me in so many ways...sometimes we don't give our spouses enough credit and he really deserves a lot right now! He's been such a support and help to me when I needed it most and I have been able to heal, relax and get the rest that I really need! I sure love my husband and am thankful to the Lord and He gave him to me! :-)

Seeking God

This year one of my resolutions is to fast one day a week. Last year Sam and I participated in two Daniel Fast's (a 21 day fruit and vegetable diet only!) It was really challenging to endure a long fast but I have to say it was so worth it, even though we still haven't seen the results we've wanted. We know God did something and is still at work...anyway, this year instead of doing that I wanted to challenge myself to put aside one day a week and really focus on allowing God to speak to me in a clear way and let all distractions go to the wayside. Today is my first fast day of the year...
It's funny b/c when I first started fasting I would get so hungry and usually quit halfday. I don't know if it's growing older and maturing that has helped me or just a deep desire to know God and His will for my life that the hunger seems so insignificant. Food becomes so trivial in light of what we're pursuing - the heart of God. Now don't get me wrong, I love food...in fact when the kids get a little older I want to go to culinary school and complete the personal chef program!
However, I can't tell you how desperately I want to know God in a deeper way...how much I want His favor on my life and my families, and how I just want to be used by Him is some way and to know that one day He will say "Well done, thou good and faithful servant"...

To Believe or Not to Believe

As the New Year approached I have to be honest I've been very anxious...not in a good way either. At the outset of last New Year's Eve I was extremely hopeful of the coming year that this (2009) would be the year that God broke through our situation and poured out His blessings on us. In contrast, it was the worst year of my life. I was so hopeful that God would do great things. I prayed, fasted, anticipated, hoped and believed for the best. This year I find myself fearful,not being so optimistic about this year in fear that I'll once again be disappointed by what this year will unfold. I'm really struggling to find a balance btwn being hopeful and realistic. I'm hoping that inspite of me it will be a good year for us. One of deliverance, blessing and seeing the favor of the Lord on our lives. I don't want to be a "Debbie Downer" (remember the skit from SNL?~sorry for the reference) but my natural tendency is to err on the side of realism and not hope. So therein lies my struggle. I want to be hopeful and expect God to do great things. Yet, it's a daily challenge to walk each day with not a clue in sight as to what our future holds or any possible chance of a change. I find myself being broken once more with a simple desire to serve the Lord...so why hasn't He opened a door for me and my family? Only time will tell I guess and waiting is our only option...

Sisters

Last night I took my sister back to the airport. We had a great visit...probably the best so far as adults...I really miss being near my family, especially this time of year. My sister has taught me a lot about life. She is an extremely generous and giving person and loves to make others happy. I've never met a more selfless person. She is a very simple person, yet she makes a profound impact with her life. She's served in the navy for 15+ years and is getting ready to moved to Cuba for her new orders. It will be a while before I get to see her so I'm extremely thankful for our short time together this week. If there's anything I've learned this season of our lives it's the importance of the people you love. No matter what things come or go they are the #1 priority. People are what matter. Not programs, not plans, not possessions. So embrace the ones you love. Thank them often, be kind to them, love on them continually and never miss an opportunity to share with them how you feel. May the memories that you make this Christmas warm your heart for years to come!

4 Days Left!

Today I'm getting ready to have my sister be with us for the week. Christmas is only 4 days away! I'm ahead of the game this year with cards done, gifts bought, and packages mailed. All that's left to do is a little wrapping and enjoy the season.
I can't wait to see my sister. In a couple of months she'll be deployed to Cuba for the next 18 months. So I'm hoping this will be a great year for us to be together.
When we first moved into our apt in May I remember thinking as long as we're out of here before the holidays I'll be fine, but if we're in this tiny place I will absolutely go crazy...well, the holidays are here and thankfully that hasn't been the case...God has brought me some wonderful neighbors, great kids in the neighborhood for the girls to play with and even a beautiful tree that fits perfectly!
Proverbs 19:21 comes to mind, "Many are the plans in a man's heart but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails"...I don't know what the Lord's purpose is in having us here and for sooo long...but I pray that I won't miss what He's trying to teach me b/c I'm anxious to move on...one day we'll have another house, and one day we'll look back on this season with great reflection. "As for God, His way is perfect!" (Ps 18:30)

Uphill

Several years ago I ran my first half marathon. I still remember the day very clearly. It was overcast with a light rain that got heavier as the day went on. The first 8 miles of the course was no easy trek. At first it started out as a gradual uphill. As I winded each turn the hill became more and more steep. I distinctly remember wanting to quit over and over, feeling wet, tired and that this race was never going to end. Not to mention 30 minutes into the race my ipod quit working. It was absolutely miserable. Obviously the conditions were not ideal. The further I ran the more pain I was experiencing in my knee and the heavier my legs felt. Mile 8 was definitely where I hit my wall. I remember telling myself just don't stop. You have to finish. With each step, as difficult and painful as it was I had to keep going forward.

This season of life has definitely felt like a marathon. This journey that we have been running the last 4+ years has for the most part felt like we've been running uphill. Each day we run gets increasingly more difficult and the decision to quit becomes more attractive. Spiritually speaking, my legs feel very heavy and I'm really not sure when this race will be over...in a race at least you know how many miles you have ahead of you, but in life no one knows what the next day holds. The finish line is no where to be seen. It's a challenge running a race that you don't know how long will last. The longer you run the more exhausting it is in every way.

In those last few miles it's a mental battle just staying on course.
It was the last few miles that were the hardest to push through. As I approached mile marker 12 with one left to go a good friend of mine came out and ran the last stretch with me. I remember feeling a little stupid about that but at the same time it gave me the extra strength that I needed. Well, eventually the uphill became downhill and I finished my half marathon, frozen, exhausted, completely sore and drained from the days events. When I crossed that finish line what I experienced was a great sense of accomplishment, pride and joy b/c I had endured my race, persevered and fulfilled what I had set out to do.

Life may often feel like an uphill battle but what goes up must eventually come down. Though this season of our life feels like it will never end, scripture tells us that many are the afflictions of the righteous, BUT the Lord WILL deliver him out of them ALL! (Psalms 34:19). It's my prayer that when this "race" is over and God brings us out we will look back at this time in our lives with great humility, wisdom, thankfulness and a heart that has been enlarged by life's trials so that we can run alongside those who are struggling to run their uphill race and encourage them on to finish strong and experience joy in the journey!

Crazy thing is...now I want to run a full marathon!

Perspective

I don't know what's worst...having a horrible life threatening disease or living a miserable existence wasting your life feeling purposeless each day...
yesterday, a good friend of ours found out his mother has stage two cancer. I can empathize with my friend b/c my dad was recently diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully they caught it early enough to where it hadn't spread to the lymphnodes so they were able to remove it completely. However, 13 years ago my husbands sister (age 22) didn't have the same result, ending in years of grief for the family that to this day still affects them deeply.
It's a struggle to feel like you're life is meaningless while you're watching someone else fight for theirs. A change of perspective quickly comes into play. A great number of people are hurting so deeply, especially this time of year. The holidays are supposed to be a joyful time of the year with much celebrating. However, this season is often a horrible reminder to many of the great loss in their lives. I think of my neighbor who lost her mother a few years ago, a college friend who was killed this year leaving 5 kids behind, the hole in our family b/c my husbands sister & grandma are no longer with us, and my good friends who've walked the road of divorce and now have to spend the holidays apart splitting time with kids. Not to mention Abby from this year's Biggest Looser who lost her husband and two children in an accident.
It's a sobering reminder that as we go about our lives and "rush" through the holidays not to overlook those who are experiencing deep hurt, pain, hopelessness, brokenness and sorrow over these next couple of weeks. Whatever the reason, whether in confusion, depression, unemployment, angst, broken relationships or financial hardship, may our present circumstances develop in us the compassion to reach out to those who are walking through this winter with an emptiness that only the son of God can fill. May the celebration of His birth remind us that it is for this reason that He came...

Bible Studies - In Touch Ministries - Dr. Charles Stanley 2009

Bible Studies - In Touch Ministries - Dr. Charles Stanley 2009

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December 17th, 2009

One of the greatest gifts God has given (in my opinion) is music. There's nothing that lifts my spirits more quickly and effectively like listening to worship songs and worshiping God, especially in times of distress...I had a great morning with some ladies from Bible Study, then came home to get a head start on dinner before we have to rush to school for Megan's Christmas program...as I was cooking, as I often do, I put my ipod on to my worship playlist and slowly all cares seem to fade away...
I don't know if it's the soft melody of the piano, or the words that so eloquently express what's in my heart...but I seem to get lost in these great songs and my focus once again is placed on where it should be...my eyes begin to look up to where my help comes from...the maker of heaven and earth...the one who does not sleep, the one who watches my going out and my coming in...so here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that You are My God and you will meet ALL my needs in Christ Jesus....
Lord You have my heart and I will search for yours...Jesus take my life and lead me on...may His praises be lifted up today...no matter what the circumstances of life...
...and I will praise You Lord, and I will sing of love come down, as You show Your face...we will see Your glory here...

It's been a long time...

Tonight I had the opportunity to help out on the worship team at church, even though it was a small crowd I was still pretty nervous as it's been almost 5 years since I haven't really been "involved" in ministry....it was really fun singing up there and helping lead worship...especially with some really talented and special friends we've made recently...I really don't know what God has for us next month, let alone next year...but for today it was great to be in God's presence and worship with friends! :-) I will take these little joys and be thankful for each one of them!

Quiet Moments - Dec 13th, 2009

Usually Sunday afternoons I take advantage of my naptime and being able to catch up on rest from all my late nights from a busy week, but today after church we came home, I fed everyone and before I knew it everyone was asleep but me...so I took advantage of the quiet, tidy'd up the place, looked through the paper and ran a few errands...
I just got back a few minutes ago after a quick trip to the grocery store and a car wash to find everyone still sleeping...today I am thankful for some uninterrupted time to do a few things without someone asking for something and having the peace and quiet to do so! :-)

December 12th, 2009

Ever feel so down it makes you sick? Lately I've really taken to Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick.." We have been in a season of waiting that seems unending...there's only so much the human soul can endure...yesterday I picked up my Christmas cards and it wasn't till after I got home from Costco that I noticed I'd misspelled "Best is yeSt to come!" Way to end the year off, that's the kind of year it's been for us...one hope dashed after another, things promised unfulfilled, put off, no answer for direction but to wait...one door shut after another, disappointment after disappointment...it would seem that God has removed His hand from us and at times we feel as if this is our lot in life. It's hard seeing one friend after another rejoicing over promotion after promotion...it's easy to ask why...it's hard to stay and wait...it's easy to sulk...it's hard to praise...it's easy to quit...it's hard to press on and endure the trial...
But one thing I know my God IS faithful and true...He loves me even when it appears He doesn't...He has plans for my life to prosper me and not to harm me...He has plans to give me a future and a hope...
Today I rest in His word and find peace in the little joys of life..like the good friends I enjoyed spending the day with and the beautiful sunshine and high of 50 degrees!

the rest of the Proverb says "...but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life." So we continue to wait and believe that The Best IS Yet to Come!

Broncos Game

Desert Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QemZQKKJbRU

July Update

Some of you have been wondering what's been going on with us so I just wanted to give you a quick update...since the last blog we've moved from our beautiful home to a small temporary apt...it's actually nice to not have to clean a huge house and pay a gigantic air conditioning bill this summer, seeing as it's been very warm lately! PTL...
I went back to work full time in May at the company that I used to work for when we first moved to Colorado...(they usually call me when someone goes on leave for whatever reason, and I fill in while they're out)...at first I was only supposed to go back for 6 weeks, but I've been there close to 10 now...which has been a blessing for me, for several reasons...I consider it a blessing in the economy we're in, when thousands of people are looking for work, that I get a call from my awesome boss asking me if I would like some work...I felt like the Lord handed it to me on a silver platter...so I'm very grateful...even though I gave up most of my summer it will enable us to take a much needed vacation in a week to see my best friend in NJ for a few days then make some stops in between there to VA so we can spend a few days with my sister then fly back home! Sam and I will be able to travel by ourselves since my parents so generously offered to come stay with the girls for the 10 days we're gone!!! Praise God for my mom and dad! :-) and grandparents who love spending time with their grandkids!!!!
We've also been helping some fellow CBCer's who recently took a church here in Littleton CO as their media pastors PT till we can find a FT position wherever God might open doors for us....so we're still in waiting mode, but some good things have been happening...Sam and I have truly learned the importance that less IS more, to learn to be content in whatever situation we are in, the most important thing is that we're together with our 2 great kids under the same roof, God is taking care of us b/c we've always been faithful to give to Him and we know HE will always be faithful to us, b/c of that there's peace in trusting in Him to meet our financial needs in our time of need...two spots were open for the girls at their school and God provided a scholarship so the girls able to stay at their private school for next year, which was really important to us...He's continuing to work in our hearts and lives as He's working behind the scenes to get things ready for the next chapter that He has for us!
you know waiting can be an excrutiating time, but what I'm learning is that the longer you have to wait the sweeter the victory will be when the time comes for you to leave your wilderness....last night I was reading in Psalms 106 and I loved how he said (when the Israelites were being led out of Egypt...) "Remember this! He led his people out singing for joy..." I'm learning to worship in the midst of my trials and be grateful for His goodness and faithfulness to me...remembering that even though "many are the afflictions of the righteous, the Lord WILL deliver him out of them ALL!!!!!"
May we never loose our song in the desert and miss out on the presence of God! Let everything around us become smaller as we magnify Him through our worship!
"All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship!I will rejoice, I will give praise, God is my victory and He IS here!!!!" ~ "Desert Song", Hillsong

Displaced

I have a few minutes before I head out to Megan's field day at the park...anyway, I'm sitting here at Panera bread with my coffee and treat (this is one of my favorite things in life) yet I'm so discouraged and displaced with where I'm at in life right now. It has been an ugly struggle for me these past few years...I'm just thankful that God still loves me inspite of who I am.
To not know what you're doing in life and feel like you are not living your true God given purpose but going through the mundane day to day duties of life is a very sad place to be. I feel like I'm at a breaking point in this journey. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. I know God gives strength to the weary and He is close to the brokenhearted but I need some good news or some sort of direction. This mindless wandering is about all I can handle right now. I dont' know if it's just b/c I'm starting back to work full time next week or b/c all of the major changes in our lives right now. but it's a difficult place to be. I sold my home. I'm living in an apartment. I'm going back to work. Kids are getting ready to get out of school. We're still not sure where we're going to live and I have no clue where to put my kids in school next year b/c we dont' know where we're going to be. It's become unbearable. I know God's in control. I have to believe it b/c He said He was, even though it DOES NOT feel like He is. I have to believe that He works EVERYTHING out for good b/c He does love us and we are called according to His purposes. But I'm discouraged. So even more I can't go by how I feel. I have to believe that God's ways are higher than my ways and that good is on the way. I don't know how much longer we're going to have to wait. I only wish I knew.
What I am thankful for is that my family is all together under one roof. My kids are healthy and happy and very well adjusted. My husband and I are more committed to each other now than we ever were before, we have family close by, God provided this job for me even though His provision came in a form that wasn't my first choice. I'm still alive. I can walk, talk, see, hear and feel. So I can stand on the word of God and His promises. I can offer up a sacrifice of praise with my lips. I can see the beauty of His creation around me. I can listen to beautiful worship music that comforts my heart and be encouraged by the spoken word from my favorite leaders. I can wrap my arms around my beautiful family and thank Him for all He's blessed me with. I can learn to sing in the rain instead of just getting wet....