Sisters

Last night I took my sister back to the airport. We had a great visit...probably the best so far as adults...I really miss being near my family, especially this time of year. My sister has taught me a lot about life. She is an extremely generous and giving person and loves to make others happy. I've never met a more selfless person. She is a very simple person, yet she makes a profound impact with her life. She's served in the navy for 15+ years and is getting ready to moved to Cuba for her new orders. It will be a while before I get to see her so I'm extremely thankful for our short time together this week. If there's anything I've learned this season of our lives it's the importance of the people you love. No matter what things come or go they are the #1 priority. People are what matter. Not programs, not plans, not possessions. So embrace the ones you love. Thank them often, be kind to them, love on them continually and never miss an opportunity to share with them how you feel. May the memories that you make this Christmas warm your heart for years to come!

4 Days Left!

Today I'm getting ready to have my sister be with us for the week. Christmas is only 4 days away! I'm ahead of the game this year with cards done, gifts bought, and packages mailed. All that's left to do is a little wrapping and enjoy the season.
I can't wait to see my sister. In a couple of months she'll be deployed to Cuba for the next 18 months. So I'm hoping this will be a great year for us to be together.
When we first moved into our apt in May I remember thinking as long as we're out of here before the holidays I'll be fine, but if we're in this tiny place I will absolutely go crazy...well, the holidays are here and thankfully that hasn't been the case...God has brought me some wonderful neighbors, great kids in the neighborhood for the girls to play with and even a beautiful tree that fits perfectly!
Proverbs 19:21 comes to mind, "Many are the plans in a man's heart but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails"...I don't know what the Lord's purpose is in having us here and for sooo long...but I pray that I won't miss what He's trying to teach me b/c I'm anxious to move on...one day we'll have another house, and one day we'll look back on this season with great reflection. "As for God, His way is perfect!" (Ps 18:30)

Uphill

Several years ago I ran my first half marathon. I still remember the day very clearly. It was overcast with a light rain that got heavier as the day went on. The first 8 miles of the course was no easy trek. At first it started out as a gradual uphill. As I winded each turn the hill became more and more steep. I distinctly remember wanting to quit over and over, feeling wet, tired and that this race was never going to end. Not to mention 30 minutes into the race my ipod quit working. It was absolutely miserable. Obviously the conditions were not ideal. The further I ran the more pain I was experiencing in my knee and the heavier my legs felt. Mile 8 was definitely where I hit my wall. I remember telling myself just don't stop. You have to finish. With each step, as difficult and painful as it was I had to keep going forward.

This season of life has definitely felt like a marathon. This journey that we have been running the last 4+ years has for the most part felt like we've been running uphill. Each day we run gets increasingly more difficult and the decision to quit becomes more attractive. Spiritually speaking, my legs feel very heavy and I'm really not sure when this race will be over...in a race at least you know how many miles you have ahead of you, but in life no one knows what the next day holds. The finish line is no where to be seen. It's a challenge running a race that you don't know how long will last. The longer you run the more exhausting it is in every way.

In those last few miles it's a mental battle just staying on course.
It was the last few miles that were the hardest to push through. As I approached mile marker 12 with one left to go a good friend of mine came out and ran the last stretch with me. I remember feeling a little stupid about that but at the same time it gave me the extra strength that I needed. Well, eventually the uphill became downhill and I finished my half marathon, frozen, exhausted, completely sore and drained from the days events. When I crossed that finish line what I experienced was a great sense of accomplishment, pride and joy b/c I had endured my race, persevered and fulfilled what I had set out to do.

Life may often feel like an uphill battle but what goes up must eventually come down. Though this season of our life feels like it will never end, scripture tells us that many are the afflictions of the righteous, BUT the Lord WILL deliver him out of them ALL! (Psalms 34:19). It's my prayer that when this "race" is over and God brings us out we will look back at this time in our lives with great humility, wisdom, thankfulness and a heart that has been enlarged by life's trials so that we can run alongside those who are struggling to run their uphill race and encourage them on to finish strong and experience joy in the journey!

Crazy thing is...now I want to run a full marathon!

Perspective

I don't know what's worst...having a horrible life threatening disease or living a miserable existence wasting your life feeling purposeless each day...
yesterday, a good friend of ours found out his mother has stage two cancer. I can empathize with my friend b/c my dad was recently diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully they caught it early enough to where it hadn't spread to the lymphnodes so they were able to remove it completely. However, 13 years ago my husbands sister (age 22) didn't have the same result, ending in years of grief for the family that to this day still affects them deeply.
It's a struggle to feel like you're life is meaningless while you're watching someone else fight for theirs. A change of perspective quickly comes into play. A great number of people are hurting so deeply, especially this time of year. The holidays are supposed to be a joyful time of the year with much celebrating. However, this season is often a horrible reminder to many of the great loss in their lives. I think of my neighbor who lost her mother a few years ago, a college friend who was killed this year leaving 5 kids behind, the hole in our family b/c my husbands sister & grandma are no longer with us, and my good friends who've walked the road of divorce and now have to spend the holidays apart splitting time with kids. Not to mention Abby from this year's Biggest Looser who lost her husband and two children in an accident.
It's a sobering reminder that as we go about our lives and "rush" through the holidays not to overlook those who are experiencing deep hurt, pain, hopelessness, brokenness and sorrow over these next couple of weeks. Whatever the reason, whether in confusion, depression, unemployment, angst, broken relationships or financial hardship, may our present circumstances develop in us the compassion to reach out to those who are walking through this winter with an emptiness that only the son of God can fill. May the celebration of His birth remind us that it is for this reason that He came...

Bible Studies - In Touch Ministries - Dr. Charles Stanley 2009

Bible Studies - In Touch Ministries - Dr. Charles Stanley 2009

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December 17th, 2009

One of the greatest gifts God has given (in my opinion) is music. There's nothing that lifts my spirits more quickly and effectively like listening to worship songs and worshiping God, especially in times of distress...I had a great morning with some ladies from Bible Study, then came home to get a head start on dinner before we have to rush to school for Megan's Christmas program...as I was cooking, as I often do, I put my ipod on to my worship playlist and slowly all cares seem to fade away...
I don't know if it's the soft melody of the piano, or the words that so eloquently express what's in my heart...but I seem to get lost in these great songs and my focus once again is placed on where it should be...my eyes begin to look up to where my help comes from...the maker of heaven and earth...the one who does not sleep, the one who watches my going out and my coming in...so here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that You are My God and you will meet ALL my needs in Christ Jesus....
Lord You have my heart and I will search for yours...Jesus take my life and lead me on...may His praises be lifted up today...no matter what the circumstances of life...
...and I will praise You Lord, and I will sing of love come down, as You show Your face...we will see Your glory here...

It's been a long time...

Tonight I had the opportunity to help out on the worship team at church, even though it was a small crowd I was still pretty nervous as it's been almost 5 years since I haven't really been "involved" in ministry....it was really fun singing up there and helping lead worship...especially with some really talented and special friends we've made recently...I really don't know what God has for us next month, let alone next year...but for today it was great to be in God's presence and worship with friends! :-) I will take these little joys and be thankful for each one of them!

Quiet Moments - Dec 13th, 2009

Usually Sunday afternoons I take advantage of my naptime and being able to catch up on rest from all my late nights from a busy week, but today after church we came home, I fed everyone and before I knew it everyone was asleep but me...so I took advantage of the quiet, tidy'd up the place, looked through the paper and ran a few errands...
I just got back a few minutes ago after a quick trip to the grocery store and a car wash to find everyone still sleeping...today I am thankful for some uninterrupted time to do a few things without someone asking for something and having the peace and quiet to do so! :-)

December 12th, 2009

Ever feel so down it makes you sick? Lately I've really taken to Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick.." We have been in a season of waiting that seems unending...there's only so much the human soul can endure...yesterday I picked up my Christmas cards and it wasn't till after I got home from Costco that I noticed I'd misspelled "Best is yeSt to come!" Way to end the year off, that's the kind of year it's been for us...one hope dashed after another, things promised unfulfilled, put off, no answer for direction but to wait...one door shut after another, disappointment after disappointment...it would seem that God has removed His hand from us and at times we feel as if this is our lot in life. It's hard seeing one friend after another rejoicing over promotion after promotion...it's easy to ask why...it's hard to stay and wait...it's easy to sulk...it's hard to praise...it's easy to quit...it's hard to press on and endure the trial...
But one thing I know my God IS faithful and true...He loves me even when it appears He doesn't...He has plans for my life to prosper me and not to harm me...He has plans to give me a future and a hope...
Today I rest in His word and find peace in the little joys of life..like the good friends I enjoyed spending the day with and the beautiful sunshine and high of 50 degrees!

the rest of the Proverb says "...but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life." So we continue to wait and believe that The Best IS Yet to Come!

Broncos Game

Desert Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QemZQKKJbRU

July Update

Some of you have been wondering what's been going on with us so I just wanted to give you a quick update...since the last blog we've moved from our beautiful home to a small temporary apt...it's actually nice to not have to clean a huge house and pay a gigantic air conditioning bill this summer, seeing as it's been very warm lately! PTL...
I went back to work full time in May at the company that I used to work for when we first moved to Colorado...(they usually call me when someone goes on leave for whatever reason, and I fill in while they're out)...at first I was only supposed to go back for 6 weeks, but I've been there close to 10 now...which has been a blessing for me, for several reasons...I consider it a blessing in the economy we're in, when thousands of people are looking for work, that I get a call from my awesome boss asking me if I would like some work...I felt like the Lord handed it to me on a silver platter...so I'm very grateful...even though I gave up most of my summer it will enable us to take a much needed vacation in a week to see my best friend in NJ for a few days then make some stops in between there to VA so we can spend a few days with my sister then fly back home! Sam and I will be able to travel by ourselves since my parents so generously offered to come stay with the girls for the 10 days we're gone!!! Praise God for my mom and dad! :-) and grandparents who love spending time with their grandkids!!!!
We've also been helping some fellow CBCer's who recently took a church here in Littleton CO as their media pastors PT till we can find a FT position wherever God might open doors for us....so we're still in waiting mode, but some good things have been happening...Sam and I have truly learned the importance that less IS more, to learn to be content in whatever situation we are in, the most important thing is that we're together with our 2 great kids under the same roof, God is taking care of us b/c we've always been faithful to give to Him and we know HE will always be faithful to us, b/c of that there's peace in trusting in Him to meet our financial needs in our time of need...two spots were open for the girls at their school and God provided a scholarship so the girls able to stay at their private school for next year, which was really important to us...He's continuing to work in our hearts and lives as He's working behind the scenes to get things ready for the next chapter that He has for us!
you know waiting can be an excrutiating time, but what I'm learning is that the longer you have to wait the sweeter the victory will be when the time comes for you to leave your wilderness....last night I was reading in Psalms 106 and I loved how he said (when the Israelites were being led out of Egypt...) "Remember this! He led his people out singing for joy..." I'm learning to worship in the midst of my trials and be grateful for His goodness and faithfulness to me...remembering that even though "many are the afflictions of the righteous, the Lord WILL deliver him out of them ALL!!!!!"
May we never loose our song in the desert and miss out on the presence of God! Let everything around us become smaller as we magnify Him through our worship!
"All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship!I will rejoice, I will give praise, God is my victory and He IS here!!!!" ~ "Desert Song", Hillsong

Displaced

I have a few minutes before I head out to Megan's field day at the park...anyway, I'm sitting here at Panera bread with my coffee and treat (this is one of my favorite things in life) yet I'm so discouraged and displaced with where I'm at in life right now. It has been an ugly struggle for me these past few years...I'm just thankful that God still loves me inspite of who I am.
To not know what you're doing in life and feel like you are not living your true God given purpose but going through the mundane day to day duties of life is a very sad place to be. I feel like I'm at a breaking point in this journey. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. I know God gives strength to the weary and He is close to the brokenhearted but I need some good news or some sort of direction. This mindless wandering is about all I can handle right now. I dont' know if it's just b/c I'm starting back to work full time next week or b/c all of the major changes in our lives right now. but it's a difficult place to be. I sold my home. I'm living in an apartment. I'm going back to work. Kids are getting ready to get out of school. We're still not sure where we're going to live and I have no clue where to put my kids in school next year b/c we dont' know where we're going to be. It's become unbearable. I know God's in control. I have to believe it b/c He said He was, even though it DOES NOT feel like He is. I have to believe that He works EVERYTHING out for good b/c He does love us and we are called according to His purposes. But I'm discouraged. So even more I can't go by how I feel. I have to believe that God's ways are higher than my ways and that good is on the way. I don't know how much longer we're going to have to wait. I only wish I knew.
What I am thankful for is that my family is all together under one roof. My kids are healthy and happy and very well adjusted. My husband and I are more committed to each other now than we ever were before, we have family close by, God provided this job for me even though His provision came in a form that wasn't my first choice. I'm still alive. I can walk, talk, see, hear and feel. So I can stand on the word of God and His promises. I can offer up a sacrifice of praise with my lips. I can see the beauty of His creation around me. I can listen to beautiful worship music that comforts my heart and be encouraged by the spoken word from my favorite leaders. I can wrap my arms around my beautiful family and thank Him for all He's blessed me with. I can learn to sing in the rain instead of just getting wet....

Mixed Emotions

We just sold our house today. There's a deep sadness that comes with closing one chapter of your life and moving on to the next. The last few years have definitely not been easy ones for us. But they have been character building and life changing for us. It's hard to leave a place that is very comfortable and beautiful. I know that in the grand scheme of things my house was just that....a house and not my home, b/c a home is where your memories are made and where you and your family are, wherever that may be. As a stay at home mom, who's life revolves around and in her home it's a very tangible thing that is hard to hand over to someone else. It feels wrong and is terribly heartbreaking. I have to remind myself daily to keep things in perspective, which is very hard to do when you are going through a difficult journey, but at the same time something that must be done in order to move on.

People keep telling me that God has great things in store for us and that He's in control. I believe this with my mind, but my heart has trouble following. I have to tell myself each day that God IS good and He DOES good and that will never change. I must never forget this otherwise I've missed it completely. I have to trust the words of my friends and hold tight to my faith, even when it is small.

I thought it very ironic this week that Megan's memory verse was Ps 40:1-3 which says "I was patient while I waited for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry for help. I was sliding down into the pit of death, and he pulled me out. He brought me up out of the mud and dirt. He set my feet on a rock. He gave me a firm place to stand on. He gave me a new song to sing. It is a hymn of praise to our God. Many people will see what he has done and will worship him. They will put their trust in the Lord."

That's my prayer today, that the Lord would give me a new song to sing and that I wouldn't look back to what I've lost but look ahead and run the race that is set before me!
In time I will look back on this day and thank Him for how He has so graciously brought me through and I'm sure I will again be in awe of how truly great and awesome He is for all He has done! May He use this time in my life to strengthen me so I may be an encouragement and comfort to someone else who is just as hurting and broken as I am today.
To God be the glory both NOW and always!~

Happy Easter

today's been a pretty crappy day...or I should say, the day's been fine, but I'm the one with the crappy attitude...transition seems to bring the best and the worst out of you...today, unfortunately, it's the latter....tomorrow is Easter and while I should be reflecting on the goodness of Jesus and what He's done for me, I'm once again consumed with feelings of an unknown future and battling discouragement/depression and frustration. Once you've allowed yourself to be consumed with the tangible it's so easy to forget that God is in the midst of it all and is in control of everything. While I still hold to the truth that God IS good and He DOES good, it brings to light the fact that I'm not. Which leads to greater frustration and feelings that I fail as a mother, wife, friend, child of God and person. I often think of the scripture that says, "If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!" (Pr 24:10) Which makes me reflect on the fortitude of my faith. Three and a half years is a long time to be in a wilderness experience, although only a fraction of time that Moses spent, it still seems like an eternity when you're the one in the midst of it. I wish I could say I was a strong woman of God who holds tightly to the hand of God, but I find it hard to remain faithful to Him at times of deep confusion and uncertainty.
Yet, the more I think of it, the more I realize that He IS even closer during those dark hours and how He longs to be gracious unto me and show me compassion. (Is 30:18) I'm human. It's not an excuse to wallow in a private pity party, but it does show that each of us has challenges and struggles that challenge us to go deeper in God when the rubber meets the road.

Today I have to take God's word at face value....do I feel His presence? No. Do I know He's with me and an ever present help in time of trouble...Yes! Do I want to put on a happy face and pretend everythings ok? No....Is God close to the brokenhearted and near to those who call on Him out of a pure heart? Yes. Can I trust Him? Yes....will I...Yes. I choose to rejoice in my times of testing.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-3

in the words of the song "Mighty to Save"

"Savior, He CAN move the mountains
My God IS mighty to save
He IS mighty to save!

Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grace
Jesus conquered the grave!"

April 7th, 2009

We recently sold our home....it's been quite the process. Moving itself is hard but when you add on an uncertain future it becomes increasingly overwhelming. The last three years of our "season" in Colorado have been challenging, to put it ever so kindly. Yet, God has taught us so much and brought us to a deeper place in Him that we'd not have come to not having "known Him in sharing in the fellowship of His sufferings." (Phil 3:10)
One thing I've learned is that God IS good and He DOES good, life happens and He remains the same. The biggest lesson I've learned (and am still learning) is the art of "soul control." Getting a hold of my emotions and maintaining a calm spirit. (I highly recommend subscribing to the www.jamesriver.org podcasts. This is the church I went to for 3 years while in college. I think I learned more under Pastor Lindell's ministry while attending there than I did going to school.
Self-control, one of the fruits of the spirits is a muscle that needs much exercise in one's spiritual formation, mine is getting quite the workout as I've been learning to put that one into practice a lot lately. It's very easy to allow circumstances to get the better of you. My wonderful husband gave me a card this week amidst my "emotional turmoil" that said "don't let the worst get the best of you." I've found myself taking many deep breaths and allowing God to breath His life into me as I let go the things of this world and my "false securities."
It's a painful process letting go of the known and grasping the unknown. Yet, "Jesus said, "So, you believe because you've seen with your own eyes. Even better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing." John 20:29