Props to Sam

Last Thursday I had the wonderful opportunity of getting my wisdom teeth out...unfortunately the healing is taking a little longer than is expected...however I have to give Sam major kuddos b/c he's the man! He has helped me so much when I have felt so horrible...he's taken the kids to school and back (mind you it's a 15 min drive each way and he does that 3x's a day) plus he's been so helpful to me in so many ways...sometimes we don't give our spouses enough credit and he really deserves a lot right now! He's been such a support and help to me when I needed it most and I have been able to heal, relax and get the rest that I really need! I sure love my husband and am thankful to the Lord and He gave him to me! :-)

Seeking God

This year one of my resolutions is to fast one day a week. Last year Sam and I participated in two Daniel Fast's (a 21 day fruit and vegetable diet only!) It was really challenging to endure a long fast but I have to say it was so worth it, even though we still haven't seen the results we've wanted. We know God did something and is still at work...anyway, this year instead of doing that I wanted to challenge myself to put aside one day a week and really focus on allowing God to speak to me in a clear way and let all distractions go to the wayside. Today is my first fast day of the year...
It's funny b/c when I first started fasting I would get so hungry and usually quit halfday. I don't know if it's growing older and maturing that has helped me or just a deep desire to know God and His will for my life that the hunger seems so insignificant. Food becomes so trivial in light of what we're pursuing - the heart of God. Now don't get me wrong, I love food...in fact when the kids get a little older I want to go to culinary school and complete the personal chef program!
However, I can't tell you how desperately I want to know God in a deeper way...how much I want His favor on my life and my families, and how I just want to be used by Him is some way and to know that one day He will say "Well done, thou good and faithful servant"...

To Believe or Not to Believe

As the New Year approached I have to be honest I've been very anxious...not in a good way either. At the outset of last New Year's Eve I was extremely hopeful of the coming year that this (2009) would be the year that God broke through our situation and poured out His blessings on us. In contrast, it was the worst year of my life. I was so hopeful that God would do great things. I prayed, fasted, anticipated, hoped and believed for the best. This year I find myself fearful,not being so optimistic about this year in fear that I'll once again be disappointed by what this year will unfold. I'm really struggling to find a balance btwn being hopeful and realistic. I'm hoping that inspite of me it will be a good year for us. One of deliverance, blessing and seeing the favor of the Lord on our lives. I don't want to be a "Debbie Downer" (remember the skit from SNL?~sorry for the reference) but my natural tendency is to err on the side of realism and not hope. So therein lies my struggle. I want to be hopeful and expect God to do great things. Yet, it's a daily challenge to walk each day with not a clue in sight as to what our future holds or any possible chance of a change. I find myself being broken once more with a simple desire to serve the Lord...so why hasn't He opened a door for me and my family? Only time will tell I guess and waiting is our only option...