To Believe or Not to Believe

As the New Year approached I have to be honest I've been very anxious...not in a good way either. At the outset of last New Year's Eve I was extremely hopeful of the coming year that this (2009) would be the year that God broke through our situation and poured out His blessings on us. In contrast, it was the worst year of my life. I was so hopeful that God would do great things. I prayed, fasted, anticipated, hoped and believed for the best. This year I find myself fearful,not being so optimistic about this year in fear that I'll once again be disappointed by what this year will unfold. I'm really struggling to find a balance btwn being hopeful and realistic. I'm hoping that inspite of me it will be a good year for us. One of deliverance, blessing and seeing the favor of the Lord on our lives. I don't want to be a "Debbie Downer" (remember the skit from SNL?~sorry for the reference) but my natural tendency is to err on the side of realism and not hope. So therein lies my struggle. I want to be hopeful and expect God to do great things. Yet, it's a daily challenge to walk each day with not a clue in sight as to what our future holds or any possible chance of a change. I find myself being broken once more with a simple desire to serve the Lord...so why hasn't He opened a door for me and my family? Only time will tell I guess and waiting is our only option...