Happy Easter

today's been a pretty crappy day...or I should say, the day's been fine, but I'm the one with the crappy attitude...transition seems to bring the best and the worst out of you...today, unfortunately, it's the latter....tomorrow is Easter and while I should be reflecting on the goodness of Jesus and what He's done for me, I'm once again consumed with feelings of an unknown future and battling discouragement/depression and frustration. Once you've allowed yourself to be consumed with the tangible it's so easy to forget that God is in the midst of it all and is in control of everything. While I still hold to the truth that God IS good and He DOES good, it brings to light the fact that I'm not. Which leads to greater frustration and feelings that I fail as a mother, wife, friend, child of God and person. I often think of the scripture that says, "If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!" (Pr 24:10) Which makes me reflect on the fortitude of my faith. Three and a half years is a long time to be in a wilderness experience, although only a fraction of time that Moses spent, it still seems like an eternity when you're the one in the midst of it. I wish I could say I was a strong woman of God who holds tightly to the hand of God, but I find it hard to remain faithful to Him at times of deep confusion and uncertainty.
Yet, the more I think of it, the more I realize that He IS even closer during those dark hours and how He longs to be gracious unto me and show me compassion. (Is 30:18) I'm human. It's not an excuse to wallow in a private pity party, but it does show that each of us has challenges and struggles that challenge us to go deeper in God when the rubber meets the road.

Today I have to take God's word at face value....do I feel His presence? No. Do I know He's with me and an ever present help in time of trouble...Yes! Do I want to put on a happy face and pretend everythings ok? No....Is God close to the brokenhearted and near to those who call on Him out of a pure heart? Yes. Can I trust Him? Yes....will I...Yes. I choose to rejoice in my times of testing.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-3

in the words of the song "Mighty to Save"

"Savior, He CAN move the mountains
My God IS mighty to save
He IS mighty to save!

Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grace
Jesus conquered the grave!"